ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just want to make out with him forever
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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