There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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