I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
