No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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