were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
