i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
