I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
