No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
