Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
