In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just high enough for therapy.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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