We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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