just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
