Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
