pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
