Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
