I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
this just has baby written all over it
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
