if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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