I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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