guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
