Welp...herpes.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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