Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
