She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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