I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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