last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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