She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
