I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
