I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
