You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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