woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
did i just pee glitter
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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