i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
