He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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