I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
