why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
