So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
3pm strippers are depressing
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
