are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
