I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
