I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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