Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
