I wanna bring you to show and tell
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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