ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
