i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
