I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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