I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
