I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
