New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
