You smell like stripper and shame
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
