Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
