It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
honey bunches of taint.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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