we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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