My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
