I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize