we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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