There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
