so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
