I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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