last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
