She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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