On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
