btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
