You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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