Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
