You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
