her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
