yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize