i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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