I would go down on you faster than GM stock
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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