I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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