Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
