As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
