oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
